Life is full of wonder…I wonder this, I wonder that. I’ve found over the years that I’ve wondered a lot. I’ve wondered what it would be like to be normal or to be part of a normal relationship. I’ve wondered how the world can be a place where people care so little about one another that they forget the Golden Rule…”Treat others as you would like to be treated”. I’ve wondered if anyone could ever understand the complexity yet simplicity of me. I’ve wondered if I’d ever be the person I’d dreamed or hoped I’d be. I’ve wondered why I wasn’t strong enough to make the right choices at times. I’ve wondered if I’d ever feel truly part of a group instead of someone teetering on that border between insider and outsider. I’ve wondered how I’d make it through rough and horrible days without thinking of ending my misery. I’ve wondered if I could ever be truly happy. I’ve wondered how many grandchildren I’d have and if I’ll be a good grandma or rather a crotchety one that won’t let them touch my things. I’ve wondered how we were so lucky to live in such a place where God’s beauty greets us each morning and whispers goodnight as we lay to sleep. I’ve wondered where Adam came up with the words cat or dog and why they were not called dog and cat instead.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wondering. It can actually help you come to terms with pain or trauma in your life. We often have difficulties understanding why we feel certain emotions, and have an even more difficult time finding the words to explain them to others. I know I do. Some therapists/counselors work with an I Wonder exercise. Make a list of your I Wonders…the ones that are really bugging you and then go through them. We all need validation for our feelings and this is a good way to start. Have that conversation with yourself. You might learn something about yourself. You might also see that there isn’t always an answer for your question, but maybe now you can identify that and move forward. Too often we hang on to things that hold us back. We may not even realize it is back there hidden in the recesses of our mind. Doing something like this small exercise can help you to identify what’s going on in your head as well as what if anything can be done to move forward. Nothing good comes from hanging out in the past or holding on to pain. It’s like being trapped in a dark scary closet all alone.